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Katelyn Cole

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Breast Cancer Ribbon

Archive for June, 2009

Jokes that can be told in church

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I thought you might like a laugh or two.

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”

The mother replied, “Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.”

The child thought about this for a moment then said, “So why is the groom wearing black?”

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A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!”

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again!

As she ran she once again began to pray, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…but please don’t shove me either!”

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Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.

The first boy says,”My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem,they give him $50.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”

The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”

I absolutely love floor lamps

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I think I have told you before about my love of floor lamps.  Well I think they are so much prettier and more decorative than a table lamp any day.  I love a halogen floor lamp when I’m reading or watching TV.  You can make them as bright as you need or as dim as you need. To me, that’s the best feature.

Of course if you shop floor lamps, I bet you’ll find one you like as much as I have found.  What fits my style and personality may not fit yours because my favorites are the contemporary floor lamps. Now matter what style you like, I bet you’ll find at least one that you like through them.

Arlington Rap

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My father was born in Washington DC.  He spent most of his life in Arlington, Virginia until they moved to North Carolina when he was about 13.  I found this on youtube and and just had to include it on my blog.  My father said it doesn’t look like the Arlington he remembers but still thought it was a pretty cool way to visit Arlington without actually having to go there.  I hope you enjoy this!!

ADT Alarms

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My grandmother has  ADT Home Security in her home at the beach.  She also has a home here beside my father so he’s her alarm system here.   She and my grandfather travel back and forth when ever they want and knowing that she has an ADT alarm system at her beach house, allows her to come home here without worrying that something might happen to her beach house.  When they first got a place at the beach, someone broke into her home and had she not had some type  home alarm systems,  she could have lost everything.  They notified the police, and even the fire department very quickly.  In fact, who ever it was that broke in, left without a single thing.

My grandmother has a lot of antiques and other valuable things in this home so having  adt alarms watching over her valuables ‘was the best thing she ever did’ she told me because they could have cleaned her out since she lives on a dead end street and the end and there isn’t always someone around her to help watch over her home.  My grandfather has a heart condition too and since she has ADT, she knows that all she had to do is hit the panic button they provided her with and someone will be right there when she needs them.  I know I sleep a lot better knowing they are protected by ADT.

Since we’re talking about Congress

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My older sister sent this to me and I almost rolled in the floor when I read it.  I mean no disrespect to anyone in DC but these are supposed to be true quotes:

A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples:

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the  window.                (On  an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a candidate’s staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town. While I started to explain the length of the flight and  the   passport information, she interrupted me with, “I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts.  ” Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, “Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape Town is in Africa”  Her response – click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, ‘Don’t lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!’ (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife who asked, “Is it possible to see England from Canada?” I said, “No.” She said, “But they look so close on the map.” (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, “I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.” (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn’t understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, “Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?” I said, ‘No, why do you ask?’  She replied, “Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight. I think that’s very rude!” After putting her on hold for a minute, while I looked into it (I was dying laughing), I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , CA is (FAT – Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

8. A Senator’s aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ‘”Would it be cheaper to fly to California , and then take the train to Hawaii?”

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, “How do I know which plane to get on?” I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, “I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.”

10. A lady Senator called and said, “I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?” I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane. She said, “Yeah, whatever, smarty!”

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. “Oh, no I don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!” Duh!

12. A New Mexico Congress woman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.” I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, “Are you sure that’s the name of the town?” “Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Rhino anywhere.” “The lady retorted, “Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!” So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ‘You don’t mean Buffalo , do you?’ The reply?  “Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.”

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it’s in! Could anyone be this DUMB? And some people want them to handle our health care????????